對待性強暴的正確態度
對待性強暴的正確態度
 
鮑勃馬錦
 
11/26/2014
 
[圖片來源: safeharborchristian]
 
大約40年前, 當吉米卡特競選總統時, 我還是密西根州立大學的一年級新生。 那時我參加了一個每周的查經班。在那個新年的前夜悲劇發生了,我們查經班裡的一位年輕女孩被強奸並殺死了, 她的屍體被扔在離校園不遠的樹叢裡。我至今還能記起她那張像天使一樣純潔的面孔。 她的男朋友也在我們的查經班。他看起來痛苦不已。 
 
 
幾天後, 聯邦調查局來我們的宿舍問話。他們問起她的男朋友。我跟聯邦調查局的人擔保, 她的男朋友是個很好的基督徒, 他每個禮拜都和我們在一起聚會禱告。沒想到,幾個月後, 這個男朋友在試圖綁架強奸另一位女孩子的時候被抓住了。我深深地感到我上當了。我對聯邦調查局的擔保差點讓另一個無辜的女孩子受害,這使我深感罪疚。 我的擔保是建立在我們每周都在一起讀經禱告上的。 那一年, 我學到了一個永生不忘的功課。
 
 
那個時代我們不經常聽聞校園裡的性侵犯,我們就以為查經班所發生的這樣不幸的事是極端的不多見的悲劇。但是我們現在知道事實不是這樣的。今年11月19日,我在哈佛大學與年高90歲的吉米卡特前總統見面並談話。卡特前總統是應哈佛神學院的邀請做了一場關於婦女、性侵犯和暴力的演講,這也是以他最近出版圖書的主題做演講的。 在哈佛的紀念教堂裡,坐滿了1000 多名來聽演講的人。卡特前總統給出一個眾所周知的統計數字: 在校園裡有1/5 的婦女遭受性騷擾,1/10的婦女遭強奸。但是鮮有人知的數據是這些侵犯和強暴是被僅僅4%的男人干的。平均是每個強奸犯侵犯5個受害者。我們沉默的時代結束了。 然而,說出真相的代價是很高的。
 
 
在教會、軍隊、 校園 與社會上,大量的性侵犯已經存在了很久了。十幾年前最初是零星的幾個新聞已經成為了日益增長的源源不斷的故事。但是對個人而言,說出真相的代價還是很高的,感恩的是越多的人挺身而出說出真相,越鼓勵其他受害者講出真相。年輕男女和年幼的孩子是最容易受攻擊侵犯的對像。像40年前學的難忘的功課一樣,我們必須停止以庇護施暴者的方法來保護神聖機構的名聲, 尤其是教會的名聲。 耶穌警告過我們: “22 到那日,必有許多人對我說:‘主啊,主啊!難道我們沒有奉你的名講道,奉你的名趕鬼,奉你的名行過許多神蹟嗎?’ 23 但我必向他們聲明:‘我從來不認識你們;你們這些作惡的人,離開我去吧!’ ”(馬太福音 7:22-23. )耶穌是真理, 他要的是真相。 
 
 
天主教教會曾經考慮處理過去50年裡涉及3000個神父的性虐待的案例。這個行動是直到2002年後才開始。 是在Boston的媒體報道出這樣的醜聞時,當這些可怕的罪案在公眾面前曝光後才推動了天主教教會的行動。 1991 年,Tailhook醜聞使公眾意識到軍隊裡存在的性侵犯, 但是直到1996 和2003 年新的醜聞出現時該類案件才得到嚴肅的處置。2012年,一份來自軍隊的調查表揭露了大約有26,000起性侵犯個案,但是其中僅有3374起是之前被報告的。早在1992年喬治布什總統把校園性侵犯受害者的權益的條款寫成法律,但是直到20年後, 校園的負責人才開始面對在校園裡很普遍的性侵犯的事實。 最近, 深受美國人喜愛的喜劇演員也被12位以上的婦女指控為性侵犯者。 
 
 
在教會、 軍隊、 校園裡, 無論我們在哪裡, 我們了都面臨著一個事實: 性侵犯只屬於真正問題的冰山一角。通常, 受害者被責備或者不允許講話,“有權者”要在犧牲公義憐憫的基礎上來保護他們的利益, 而被犧牲的經常是那些被侵犯的婦女、兒童。 值得我們欣慰的是, 現在越來越多的婦女, 女孩子們勇敢地站出來說真相, 通過真相 來終止施暴者試圖肆虐整整下一代的孩子們。也是在這樣的情況下, 我發現我自己也成為了一個也曾在20多年前在大學裡被性強暴的女性的丈夫,她,即我的妻子正在考慮是否公開還是私下公布她曾遭遇到的真相。
 
 
在過去的 3年裡,我的妻子遵循了馬太福音18:15-17的方式來面對她的施暴者。對於對方承認是基督徒的情況,耶穌給了我們一個正當的程序來處理。她曾把自己受性強暴的事情彙報給了4個牧師和那個在公開成為基督徒前強暴過她的人。 但是這人不斷地否認使得她不得不采取謊言測試。測試的結果很清楚地證明她是在說真話——這個現在很有名的中國牧師在24年前的確強暴了她。
 
 
在過去的3年裡, 玲不得不面對來自3個牧師的不同程度的冷若冰霜的拒絕,他們建議她在公眾面前保持沉默來保護這位“牧師”的名聲和事工。當這位牧師否認時,他們也拒絕相信他們這位很有名的主內弟兄會犯強奸罪。 但是當此人在兩位牧師的見證下拒絕做謊言測試時, 11月9日, 玲去做了測試, 她的見證被證明是真實的。她最近還聽到一到兩個婦女有類似對這位中國牧師的性侵犯的指控。
 
 
今天,我的妻子憑著愛、公義、和憐憫的原則,再次勇敢地踏入公眾的視線。 她知道她可能會面對比3年前更大的阻力。這樣的選擇, 她以前也做過的。 她在25年前在天安門廣場上領導為自由民主的絕食運動, 使她兩次成為諾貝爾和平獎的提名者;她在她的回憶錄《一心一意向自由》的書中, 分享了自己痛苦的墮胎經歷, 希望能給這個傷害婦女、孩子的敏感領域帶來關注;她又創辦了女童之聲——以耶穌的名, 單單地愛她,來幫助母親, 營救女嬰, 來制止一胎化政策, 制止因重男輕女而對女嬰的虐殺。在過去的 4年裡, 上帝通 過這個事工和這些勇敢地同工們, 和那些積極通過人力, 資金和禱告來支持事工的朋友們營救了成千個女嬰和她們的母親。現在, 她又站出來公開她自己受強奸和性侵犯的事實, 來鼓勵其他的婦女和女孩子們有勇氣來說出她們的故事。
 
 
不管是誰犯罪, 無論是總統還是神父, 是軍官還是宿舍裡的學生,在受害者婦女憑著勇氣要尋求公開自己所受的強暴的經歷時,她們都可以聽到為我們犧牲自己生命的好牧人耶穌基督的聲音, “不要怕, 我會跟你在一起, 直到世界的末了。”只有公開這些案列,這小部分的男性施暴者才會被處理和制止。只有他們被制止而且真心地認罪他們才會有進入神國得永生的希望。所以,來呼召這些男人從他們自我毀滅和毀滅她人的路途中及時回轉,是一件需要巨大愛心和勇氣的事。當我們都公開說出真相時, 我們知道那個在我的查經班裡有天使面孔的女孩子和其他有類似遭遇的女孩就沒有白白受死和受苦。當我們憑著真理、愛心和信息向前邁步的時候,我們把我們的心和靈交托給愛我們的耶穌。
 
 
現在玲需要你們的禱告, 支持和友情。 任何婦女, 孩子, 任何人都不該在這個旅途中孤獨而行。你願意和我們站在一起,並伸手幫助我們嗎?
 
 
感恩節蒙恩! 
 
 
 

 

鮑勃馬錦是Jenzabar公司的總裁、柴玲的丈夫。原文如下。

 

 

The Right Response to Rape

Bob Maginn

11/26/2014

 

Almost four decades ago, with Jimmy Carter running for President, I was a freshman in college at Michigan State University. I was part of a weekly campus ministry Bible study.  Tragedy struck on New Year’s Eve of that year when another student in our Bible study was found raped and murdered in woods not far from campus. I can still see her face like the face of an angel. Her boyfriend who was also in our Bible study looked devastated.

 

The FBI called to interview me in my dorm room. They asked about her boyfriend. I assured the FBI that he was a Christian who met and prayed with us every week. A few months later this boyfriend was caught trying to rape and abduct another young woman. I felt duped and somewhat guilty that another woman might have been raped and murdered too by someone for whom I had given the FBI my assurance.  An assurance based on his being in our Bible study and praying with us every week.  I learned a lifelong lesson that year.

 

At that time decades ago we did not hear about sexual assault on campus very often. We assumed it was the rare and dramatic tragedy that our Bible study group had witnessed. But now we know this was not and is not the case. On November 19, 2014 I met and talked with former President Jimmy Carter who at the age of 90 came to Harvard University. He was there at the invitation of the Harvard Divinity School to give a major speech about Women, sexual assault and Violence, the subject of his latest book.  With over 1000 people in Harvard’s Memorial Church, President Carter reported the now well-known statistics: one in five women suffer sexual assault on campus and one in ten is forcefully raped.  Less well-known is the statistic that these assaults and rapes of women are committed by just 4% of the men. That is an average of 5 victims per perpetrator.  The time to keep silent is over.  But the cost to speak out is high.

 

In the Church, in the military, on the campus and in our society at large sexual assault has been with us a long time. What began as a trickle of news stories a few decades ago has now become a flood of stories growing by the day. Still the personal cost to speak out is high, but thankfully as more people venture forth others are encouraged to tell their stories too.  Young women and young men, girls and boys are those most frequently attacked. We have learned hard lessons just as I did four decades ago. We must stop protecting the perpetrators to defend the reputations of our hallowed institutions especially the Church. Jesus Christ warned that many will come, saying Lord, Lord did I not do all these great things in your name and He will say depart from me you workers of iniquity. Jesus wants the truth because He is the truth.

 

The Catholic Church considered sexual abuse claims against about 3000 priests dating back 50 years but it was only after 2002 that media reports in Boston brought these horrible crimes to public light. Ten years before in 1991, the Tailhook scandal brought to public attention the problem of sexual assault in the military but it took new scandals in 1996 and 2003 in the military before serious action was taken.  Even in 2012, of approximately 26,000 cases of sexual assault uncovered in a survey in the military only 3374 were reported.  In 1992 President George Bush signed into law the Campus Sexual Assault Victims’ Bill of Rights but it took 20 years before colleges and universities were ready to confront the truth about widespread sexual assault on their campuses. Now even America’s favorite comedian is being accused by over a dozen women.

 

In the Church, in the military, on the campus and everywhere we turn we are now confronted by the truth: Sexual Assault is an iceberg of a problem. Often, the victims are blamed or silenced.  The “powers that be” protect other interests at the expense of justice and mercy for those who have been attacked, often women and girls. Thankfully, these women and girls are now coming out in large numbers, in power and in truth to tell their stories. They seek to stop sexual assault before it claims yet another generation. And so it is that I find myself a husband of a wife who was raped while in graduate school two decades ago now forced to face this very question of public versus private disclosure.

 

For the last 3 years, my wife has followed the teachings of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 18:15-17. Here Jesus gave fair due process to follow regarding an accused party claiming to be a believer in Christ. She has told that horrible rape story in detail first privately to 4 pastors and to the now Christian man who raped her prior to his public conversion.  But his continual denial finally forced her to do a polygraph test. The test provided clear proof of the veracity of her story as her test showed that she was absolutely telling the truth. A now prominent Chinese Christian pastor had committed the rape 24 years ago.

 

In the past 3 years, Ling had to face the cold and painful rejection that came from 3 of these Chinese pastors who advised her to remain publicly silent to protect the reputation of the prominent pastor.  They had refused to believe that their famous brother in Christ could have been guilty of such an act as rape when he denied it. But after this man’s refusal to take a polygraph test in the witness of two pastors, last week, Ling went forward and took that polygraph test herself that proves her testimony is true. She also recently heard about some additional allegations of rape of one and maybe two women made against this same Chinese pastor. 

 

Today, my wife has once again decided to bravely step into the public arena in an act of love, justice and mercy knowing she may face even more opposition than she has endured over the last three years. She did it 25 years ago in Tiananmen Square leading a hunger strike for freedom and democracy for which she received two Nobel Peace Prize nominations. She did it again when she published her memories A Heart for Freedom.  She shared about her own painful abortions in love to bring light to this sensitive area that traumatizes women and babies. She founded All Girls Allowed---in Jesus’ name simply love her, to help women, to rescue baby girls and to stand up against the brutal One Child Policy and against male gender preference.  In the past 4 years, God has rescued thousands of girls and mothers through this ministry and the brave men and women who work, pray and financially support this ministry.  Now she steps out again to tell the truth about rape and sexual assault so other women and girls may find the courage to tell their stories too.

 

No matter who committed the crime, from a President to a priest to a commanding officer to a student in your dorm, women can hear the voice of Jesus, the good shepherd who laid down his life for his sheep, saying “be not afraid for I am with you even to the end of the age” as they press forward into the light.  Only by going public can the small percentage of mostly men be confronted and stopped. And only if they are stopped and truly repent can they hope for life eternal in the kingdom of God. So it is an act of great love and courage to call these men to turn from their path to destruction and be redeemed before it is too late for them and their victims. When we speak out, then we know that the angel-faced young woman in my Bible study many years ago and others like her did not suffer or die in vain. Unto thee Lord we commend our spirits as we move forth in truth, in love and in confidence.

 

Now Ling needs your prayer, support and fellowship. No women, no child, no one should ever have to walk this journey alone. Will you stand with us and give us your hand?

 

Have a very blessed Thanksgiving! 

 
 
 



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